Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - February 2007

01/02/07  ||  Global Domination

Impious: Holy murder masquerade

6/10

Lord K: When I went thru this album I thought “Hey, nice Swedish guitar sound. I didn’t expect a band from Singapore to be able to get a production as good as this”. Then while checking up on the band I learn that they are Swedish so… hey… no wonder the production is good and all that jazz. What was the name of those Singaporean fuckers then? Impiousity? Impenisity? Impossibility? Fuck if I knew, what I do know though is that Impious deliver their death metal with style and precision while throwing in some more melodic passages here and there. It’s good, just not something very special. 6

Ripper Bendix: Odds are twenty to one that K will mix those fuckers up with IMPIETY from Singapore (Note by The Lord: You are not fooling me, I know you read my comments when this AA was drafted, bitch). But hey, it happened to me as well, but as I found out that songtitles like “Bestial Genocidal Goatvomit” were missing I kinda noticed it. As already mentioned (as it will be mentioned) in my review of this CD, Impious manage to pull off a pretty damn sexy neo-Deathblastorama somewhere between In Flames and Hypocrisy, as so many others before them. 7

The Abyss: This Swedish death metal band impressed me greatly on “Hellucinate” and I’m pleased to say that whatever they did right then is still here for “Holy Murder Masquerade”. The guitars have a very Dismember-like sound and feel to them, and that coupled with terrific growls, nice basslines and some solid songwriting makes for a very enjoyable album. 7

Desert Eagle: You know, I really enjoy a good sample from a movie. Let me tell you, Impious had a fucking perfect one too. I mean shit, it was badass as fuck. Who even cares about music anymore? 8

Syrrok: How can you be a band from Sweden and NOT have hook-ups to a decent recording studio. Sweden has metal recording studios like ducks have feathers. The point I’m making is that these average sounding songs would sound… well… they’d still sound average but much more audible. I’m not sure this project is going anywhere too fast. 3

Fishermane:

Part 1:
Impious (adj.) – lacking piety or reverence for a god
Boring (adj.) – so lacking in interest as to cause mental weariness

Part 2:
Penis (noun) – the male organ of copulation

Part 3:
Wit (noun) – a person of exceptional intelligence

Part 4:
Lack (noun) – to be missing or deficient

5

The County Medical Examiners: Olidous operettas

5.6 /10

Lord K: Carcass is dead and The Examiners do very little to bring the corpse to life. General Surgery is way, way better. 4

Ripper Bendix: Gore-band revival or what? Naturally everyone wants his share and not all of them manage to funnel their ideas into a sensible concept. Oh, hello County Medical Examiners! 4

The Abyss: Opening track, “Caspers dictum”, paints the picture immediately. This clever inversion of Carcass’ “Corporal jigsore quandary” announces a 30 min unabashed declaration of love to all things Carcass. It’s not really essential since it’s all been done before, but damn it’s entertaining to hear. 7

Desert Eagle: They make it no secret that they’re trying to sound like early Carcass. And stupid gimmick aside, they’re pretty good. It’s just too bad that later Carcass was like a thousand times better. 6

Syrrok: There’s all kinds of “secrets” and even more “hilarious secrets” about this band apparently. Who cares. I dig the sounds that come out of their assholes. Great tunes. Really, good effort. You totally sound like Carcass. 5

Fishermane: The positive aspect that underlies the recording of a “worship” album is that as an artist, you have an excellent foundation and time-tested musical blueprints at your disposition to record your tribute. The bad thing is that if you fuck it up, you’re not only jeopardizing your own integrity, but you risk desecrating the musical legacy left by the very band being emulated. Fortunately for us (and Carcass), TCME have simultaneously managed to reproduce that classic goregrind sound, while still sounding as fresh as a skeletally triturated gullet about to be exsiccated. (NOTE: As enjoyable as this album is, it most certainly isn’t for everybody.) 8

Legion Of The Damned: Sons of the jackal

5.3 /10

Lord K: LOTD’s album covers were always shitloads better than their boring thrash. The only good thing about this band, except for the mentioned album covers, is the fact that the vocalist reminds me a little of Gustaf of Defleshed. Only Gus is alot better. So is Defleshed. Overrated crap. 3

Ripper Bendix: There must have been a mix-up in the packaging plant! They gave me the first album again and just repackaged it! Wait, you mean that they actually sound exactly the same on the second album and that it is definitely possible to shuffle both CD’s in your player without noticing a difference because it’s always exactly the same? Now, fuck me sideways. This is pretty sad when you come to think about it, right? I know that I went totally apeshit about the first album, but now after several spins and the follow-up album I would like to say the following: You bore the living mother FUCK right out of me. I feel better now, thanks. 3

The Abyss: Another fine thrash album from Germany, this time from (relatively) new band Legion Of The Damned. I liked “Malevolent Rapture” and it’s nice to see the band hasn’t dropped the ball on their sophomore effort. Like a sharp, rusted Flying V forcibly inserted in your Bay area. 7

Desert Eagle: Did anyone else read this band’s name and think of Legion of Doom? Of course you did because you like wrestling like an idiot would. The same kind of idiot that would listen to generic black metal like this (Note by The Lord: I hope you don’t label this as black metal, but actually mean something else… For fuck’s sake). 5

Syrrok: Loud ass thrashilicious death trax! Metal Warriors play this upbeat metal as angrily as I’ve ever heard. They make this edition of AA about 55% more classy. 8

Fishermane: You have to give LOTD some credit. They almost fool you into believing that this is brand new material, as opposed to a rather not-so-subtle yet moderately fulfilling rehash of their previous release, “Malevolent Rapture”. Since I constantly recycle all of my own material (jokes, pick-up lines, rants on the lack individualism portrayed by those who constantly repeat themselves and fail to promote new and original ideas, etc), it’s cool with me. 6

Echoes Of Eternity: The forgotten goddess

5/10

Lord K: You know I’m a sucker for female vocals. That doesn’t automatically mean I dig every band with a whore doing those vocals. EOE kinda appeals to me though. Their half metal lacks a killer production but the tunes and the cunt’s singing makes up for it. Sing-a-long music with less testicles than Britney Spears. All good though, and this album will stay in my compilation. For a few weeks anyway. And ofcourse I’d make sweet, sweet luvin’ to the bitch, just becoz she has a good voice and deserves it. 7

Ripper Bendix: I have no clue who this is but it sounds kinda nice for a band with a metaphysical approach to their bandname. “Nice” doesn’t mean “good” in case somebody’s missed it. All in all average and not worth going all “Hey, I have a KILLER line for next AA” on my part, because I am tired. 6

The Abyss: Utterly forgettable gothmetal that’s been done to death by numerous Norwegians. The only thing I can remember after 2 spins is that the girl sings in French in one song and that she has huge fake tits. Wooptidoo. 2

Desert Eagle: The music is decent and the vocals are pretty damn good. However, this is not true when they are combined. Together it just sounds awkward and disjointed and doesn’t really work for me. It’s like sad female vocals with somewhat technical guitar riffs. Pass. 5

Syrrok: If Evanescence wrote tighter and more aggressive riffs rather than chord-clusterfucks, than this is what they’d sound like. The lady has the perfect “I’m wearing angel wings but only to show the dichotomy of good/evil” voice. This seems like a good band that has some more hurdles to cross before escaping L.A. 4

Fishermane: At first, Echoes of Eternity just reminded me of your somewhat average INSERT YOUR TYPICAL GOTH METAL FEMALE SINGER BAND LABEL HERE ensemble, but then I found out that the vocalist is originally from Quebec. That means she probably looks fine as hell, on top of being freaky as sin. Definite bonus points (and seriously, the music isn’t that bad…). 6

Fear My Thoughts: Vulcanus

5/10

Lord K: Fear My Penis. Fear My Balls. Fear My Asscrack. The possibilities for a better name than “Fear My Thoughts” are definitely there. It’s a great fucken thing these guys’ music definitely stands on another level than their moniker, or they’d be fucked. FMT’s semi-brutal metal is really fucken catchy at times while being quite repetitive at others. In the end it’s quite good actually with a few quite fantastic (yeah, really) riffs thrown in. The cheating (listen to the faster parts) drummer takes away a point though. 6

Ripper Bendix: Vulc-Anus. Hehehhe. Isn’t it fucken sad when a writer has to fall back on Beavis and Butt-Head just to fill a few lines? Fear my Thoughts don’t exactly surprise or impress me, but the melodies sure got my dick hard every now and then, in case you wanted to know this delicate detail from my private life. 6

The Abyss: Melodeath. Not as anemic as Blinded Colony but it’s not exactly a rectal shot of Vitamin C either! Some decent clean vocals show up here and there but by now, who gives a crap? 3

Desert Eagle: So if Blinded Colony are like In Flames then that would make FMT like Soilwork. I swear Speed is on this album. I guess it’s hard to come up with something original these days so everyone is content with sounding like others. It’s probably for the best because imagine a world where every band is as unique as Horse the Band. I shudder at the thought. 6

Syrrok: Terrifically produced metal band that could use some lessons in song-writing dynamics. Each song strangles along the same BPM and structure which can grow tiresome. But I can’t fault these guys for producing the fuck outta this album. 5

Fishermane: All I know about Vulcanism and its respective derivatives is that Spock was a Vulcan, and I’ve always been quite fond of Spock (I mean, who isn’t?). Thus, it’s only natural that I attempt to replicate authentic Vulcan thinking by commenting on this album in the most logical fashion conceivable, just as my mane Spock would: Don’t buy this. It’s not good. 4

Nahemah: The second philosophy

4.8 /10

Lord K: Another utterly boring constellation who serve the God of Suck. This gives me absolutely nothing and after suffering through 6 songs of the same fucken crap I decided it was time to delete it from my harddrive, never to return. 2

Ripper Bendix: You know this Monty Python sketch where a guy is served food and he comments on everything with “appalling”? Well, this is how I feel RIGHT FUCKEN NOW! Appalling. 1

The Abyss: The band cites Dark Tranquillity and Opeth as influences and who am I to disagree? It’s quite competent, that’s for sure, and while the songs may be a bit too long it’s never predictable and hey, sometimes a saxophone IS ok in metal. 6

Desert Eagle: I so cherish little nuggets like this. Every AA there is always a band that I’ve never heard of that ends up being awesome. Ok, maybe not every one, actually this probably only happens like once a year. Still, it happened. Fuck and this year just started. I guess it’s all downhill from here. 9

Syrrok: Experimental stuff on Lifeforce Records, quite a strange mix. This album has grown on me with a few listens. I respect anyone in the AA purgatory who gives something original a shot. What drives home some of the “proggy” parts are the very neat vocals. Tough and neat. These guys like Rush I bet. 6

Fishermane: Nahemah had me convinced until I noticed they named one of their songs “Phoenix”, and then came “Today Sunshine Ain’t The Same”. I suppose it could have been worse, one of the AA bands actually has a song called “Like A Butterfly In A Storm”. Oh wait… 5

Sirenia: Nine destinies and a downfall

4.8 /10

Lord K: Sirenia’s got their moments. Naturally, all focus is on the chick singing. She’s really fucken good. This half metal sounds exactly as you’d expect from a Norwegian band with a female vocalist. I dig it and it’s the winner for me this month. One last thing though, the chick’s pronunciations can be quite irritating at times. Especially when she replaces words with a “d” in the end (such as “friend”) with a “t”. Some more work on that and you’ll be fine. 7

Ripper Bendix: A bit of Therion, a bit of Nightwish, a bit of 80’s pop. To be frank, I expected NOTHING here, but now this album is my winner for this month, hands down and no questions asked. 8

The Abyss: I liked Sirenia’s debut album, “At sixes and sevens”, but after that I lost track of the band (or maybe I just got them mixed up with Tristania, Theatre of Tragedy or Trail of Tears?). “Nine dicks in a deep hole” sounds pretty much like “At sixes…”, maybe a bit more electronic parts now? Who cares, as long as it’s not Nightfish, I’m happy. 5

Desert Eagle: Just another cumdumpster goth shit band. Pay it no attention. 1

Syrrok: If Sirenia and Echoes of Eternity toured you would end up with another Hurricane Katrina (American PARUMPH JOKE! Get it!? Cuz of all the tears, bitches! THAAAAAATS MY LIFE!). Ok, seriously guys. Fart. 3

Fishermane: I once rented an adult film entitled “Nine Destinies and a trip downtown”. It was about 9 strippers (by coincidence, all named Destiny) who decided to resort to fellatio in order to provide for themselves after their futile efforts to form a subpar metal band went sour. The movie was about as bland and uninspiring as this album. I’ll attempt a much more objective and fair approach for my full Sirenia review which should be up shortly but for now, fuck it. This is the kind of fairy shit that appeals to Lord K, not me. (Note to the Lord: And trust me, I thought that to myself even before I went to read your comments in the draft, haha). 5

Profundi: The omega rising

4.5 /10

Lord K: Decent-at-best black metal written and performed by ex-Naglfar vocalist Jens. He should have stayed with Naglfar coz this is lightyears away from that kind of quality. The programmed drums aren’t exactly giving me a boner either. Jens’ vocals sure are nice and hysterical and some nice black metal riff-fests can be found every now and then. That’s always something, I guess. Just not enough quality, nor catchy enough for The Lord. 4

Ripper Bendix: I almost gave this 6 points because after a while you come to the point of seeing things that aren’t actually there. Good music for example. Thank papa Satan for cheap booze and expensive medication. 3

The Abyss: Melodic black metal with some deliciously chaotic vocals from ex-Naglfar singer Jens Rydén. The music is not very surprising given his previous band, but it’s a very wellcrafted and entertaining piece of work Rydén offers up. Highly recommended. 8

Desert Eagle: Trve black metal complete with haunting organs and free wine tasting. If black metal wasn’t so intensely gay then maybe this would be enjoyable. They always gotta fag it up though. 5

Syrrok: This months “super-scary” entry. These tunes reek of wannabe-Emperor stuff. A shame for sure. 2

Fishermane: To this day, I’ve yet to hear anything composed by Naglfar. Lack of preconceptions aside, I wish I could say more than after repeated listens, this album still fails to stimulate any personal interest in anything related to vocalist Jens Rydén, pre- or post-Naglfar (unless of course he picks up a keyboard, some Jordache jeans and pumps out some real jams, 80’s styles). 5

Rotting Christ: Theogonia

4.5 /10

Lord K: Another one of all those bands who have been around for fucken ever and released about a million albums. Or at least it feels like that. Rotting Christ might be having an awesome moniker but that’s pretty much everything that’s awesome about this band too. Some riffs sounds like something 7 year old’s could have written. 3

Ripper Bendix: No clue, no ideas, but a super-duper bandname. Welcome to the exciting world of Rotting Christ. And when I mean “exciting” I of course mean “dreadful”. They started out a million years ago with some really good potential. Unfortunately they completely failed to make something out of it. 3

The Abyss: This band has been around forever and I’ve never really bothered with them, but apparently they tend to change sound with every album. A commendable effort and while “Theogonia” is an interesting and eclectic mix of various kinds of metal (a mix of old and new Samael might be a good comparison) I still feel strangely detached from the songs. It feels a bit soulless somehow. 6

Desert Eagle: I don’t know man, I’ve always had a soft spot for this band since their name is so awesome and they actually released a damn good album. “Genesis”, right? Well anyway, the soft spot is quickly turning into crib death with each successive album. It’s just sad really. 5

Syrrok: All of Rotting Christ’s stuff has bored me to balls in the past. This one has a bit more atmosphere to it which I can dig. Unfortunately the majority of it is still misguided. I dig “Enuma” if you’re looking for one track to highlight. 4

Fishermane: Another classic example of a band who’s been in the game for a while, released a shitload of albums with overlapping death & black metal influences, never got mass recognition but still managed to build a respectable fanbase over the years. While this won’t exactly land these guys the utmost respect of metal fans worldwide, it’s interesting enough to warrant a few genuine listens. 6

Funeral: From these wounds

4.3 /10

Lord K: Someone wake me up when this is over coz Funeral sure as fuck put me to sleep with their crap doom (I guess that’s what they wanna call it) metal. And someone, please, punch the vocalist in the mouth, alot of times. 2

Ripper Bendix: There is only one band with the word “Funeral” in its name that I listen to, and that’s quite obviously DARK Funeral. After listening to this CD, absolutely nothing about this has changed, except for the fact that I’d like to arrange a nice little funeral on my own. Jesus fucking Christ, this shit is TEDIOUS! 2

The Abyss: Beautiful, atmospheric doom with clean mournful vocals that brings Katatonia to mind even if Funeral are more doom and less pop than aforementioned band. The vocalist has the same “dead” kind of quality to his voice as Henri from Rapture and Katatonia-Jonas, even though the Norwegian dialect ruins it a bit for me. 6

Desert Eagle: FUCK this shit drags. Like me on a Tuesday night on that street corner between the liquor store and gun store. I get some pretty interesting clients down there. I only do anal though because I’m not gay. 3

Syrrok: The textures alone on this album make it worth it for me. Doom music always seems more “artistic” than yer standard thrash/death/black affair, but it’s especially true on this one. Nice long, sad tunes. Perfect for any raven-haired seductress to cut up her “straight-edge” marked wrists to. 7

Fishermane: Who thought doom metal could be so much fun? The title track really took me by surprise, an almost tedious but undeniably majestic composition that pushed me to actually ask my linguistically-inclined sister which adjective I should employ to describe it (she told me to fuck off and not bother her with such insignificant requests, so I chose “majestic” myself). Unfortunately, Fun-eral wasn’t able to recreate such splendor for the entire album as some of the songs seem to just drag on with an almost agonizing redundance. Nonetheless, fans of the genre might find this to be quite remarkable. 6

Moonsorrow: V – Hävitetty

3.7 /10

Lord K: UHU tekstiililiima on kehitetty kankaitten, kuten puuvillan ja erilaisten keinokuitujen liimaamiseen. 2

Ripper Bendix: And here I was thinking the LAST fucken AA was a nightmare. And then Moonsorrow comes along, and there’s a shitload more bands to check out still and they all look equally “promising”. Yksi, kaksi, TAXI! 2

The Abyss: Two songs in 56 min and it’s NOT funeral doom! That’s a surprise for ya. The songs may be in Finnish but that doesn’t matter when Moonsorrow create epic and interesting metal like this; one foot firmly planted in Edge Of Sanity-death and the other in that elusive Finnish melancholy Rapture, Swallow the Sun and Sentenced tap(ped) into so well. 7

Desert Eagle: So you hear the name Moonsorrow and you think to yourself, “Man there is no way that a band named that could be good.” And you would be right. That is if Moonsorrow wasn’t so awesome. Which they aren’t. Good thinking. 3

Syrrok: Flutes and snow wrapped up in a black tear. This variety of sorrowful gloom skipping music never got my goat, but then again my goat doesn’t travel much on fiords. 4

Fishermane: The only Moon sorrow I know went something like this: “WAAAH!! I’m the moon! Nobody likes me! I wish I was a “real” planet! How come I couldn’t be a star, or a galaxy or something cool!? I don’t even have a real name, I’m just “The Moon”!! Sure, people on Earth visit me every so often, but that’s just because I’m close and deep down they’d really prefer to go to Mars! I’m so alone…” 4

Blinded Colony: Bedtime prayers

3.7 /10

Lord K: I always thought this was a grunge band. But now I realize that I got this band mixed up with Blind Melon or something. Either way, they can go fuck themselves, both of them. I despise this American-sounding “aggro” metal to the fullest and I will make it my mission to mention that as often as possible. Blinded Colony sounds exactly like any other band on the market in this genre. You know the deal, and you should fucken hate the deal too. It doesn’t matter that these fuck-gums are from Sweden. Give them to Denmark. 3

Ripper Bendix: Bedtime prayers? Yeah, I sure as fucken hell will pray every damn night from now on that this band won’t fucken show up under my fucking bed! 2

The Abyss: Let’s see… “Blinded by fear” was At The Gates most famous song. In Flames named one of their albums “Colony”... Am I right in assuming you morons play melodic Gothenburg-death, about 6 years after that particular horse died from blunt force trauma? Boooring. 3

Desert Eagle: I probably would have been able to appreciate this more if it weren’t for Scar Symmetry. You see there has been a resurgence lately of good In Flames-ish style bands and this one falls just a little short of greatness. Still worth a listen though. 7

Syrrok: Just to show you all once again how shit comparisons are, I saw these guys compared to In Flames somewhere. Could not be further off the mark it you were a blind archer with AIDS. I respect the riffs, I shake my head at the hardcore-esque vocals. Way to give up, team. 4

Fishermane: And yet again, an album forged in the forgotten realm of lost generic metal bands manages to emerge into our sphere of existence. Yay. Go back to certain limbo, ya bastards. 3

Sinner: Mask of sanity

3.3 /10

Lord K: If you want hardrock that’s done the right way, check out Sweden’s Bullet. Stay right the fuck away from Cheese Factory Sinner. 2

Ripper Bendix: The return of the poodle from hell. Mat Sinner… The thumbscrew of power metal. Not my cup of tea, never was, never will be. NO THANKS! 3

The Abyss: A bit surprised to hear a genuine “Denim & Leather”-heavy metal band in AA. Sinner aren’t too shabby though. If you can imagine a mix of Saxon, Sentenced and Rainbow, you’re fairly close to the sound of Sinner. This is background music for that lukewarm beer you have at 5 in the afternoon at Wacken or Sweden Rock Festival, right before you go check out the A-list bands. 5

Desert Eagle: DEADLY SINNAHHSS!!! Not. 2

Syrrok: Man, when Primal Fear is involved in any way you know you’re gonna get some stellar material. Or maybe that band is a bunch of old Germans. This is great heavy rock, especially if you own a pirate ship. Great guitar masturbation, so I’ll listen twice. 5

Fishermane: (Note by the Mane: I’ve decided to write these comments as viewed through the eyes of a depressed housecat.) Meow… SIGH. Purrrrr…. SIGH. MeowwwwSinnerSucksssssssSIGH… Meow. 3

Mendeed: The dead live by love

3.2 /10

Lord K: To start off an album with a Yngwie lick and the words “Let’s go!” is absolutely beyond gay. It doesn’t fucken help that the rest of the album (with a few exceptions, “Gravedigger” for example) is equally gay. It’s fast but never brutal. It’s wellplayed but boring. It’s cheesy but not tasty. Mendeed is a stinker. 2

Ripper Bendix: Can’t remember for my fucken life when I first listened to those guys, but the album I listened to sure sucked. Let’s put it this way… they stuck to their guns. 2

The Abyss: Power/heavy metal are usually a fucking pain to endure, but for some arcane reason Mendeed aren’t as horrible as the name brings you to believe. The vocalist sounds like he wears eyeliner and sings in Three Random Words and there’s a clear hint of metalcore in the songwriting, but I still find it kinda ok. At least as long as I don’t listen to more than two songs in a row… 4

Desert Eagle: I really don’t know what to think. At first I hated this for no reason. Then I started to enjoy it because it has sick leads but god damn does the singing suck. So really, who is this music for? People that hate themselves, but only partly. 6

Syrrok: This band prides themselves on bringing themes of battle, power, and thrash metal to the genre of metalcore. fuck you for that Mendeed. I’m taking a shit on your record. 2

Fishermane: Save yourself the trouble and just re-read any one of my previous inconsequential pseudo-rants about anything remotely related to heavy/power/whatever metal. There’s no sense in me even trying to comment on this seriously. 3

Pain Of Salvation: Scarsick

2.8 /10

Lord K: I have absolutely no idea what the fuck these guys decided to take as far as drugs go, but this is a fucken disgrace. I know the talent of this band but not even a squadron of über-talented Martians could have helped these bastards on this piece. Embarrassing rap vocals is to be found, pretentiousness de fucken luxe is exactly everywhere and this bullshit makes me wanna fucken kill people. What a fucken load of super-semen. 2

Ripper Bendix: The 24 hour suck-a-thon continues! Wheee! Everybody who HASN’T fallen asleep as of yet… Your chance is NOW! If you are not fuming mad at the band for releasing such utter bullshit and can’t sleep anyway. 2

The Abyss: It’s always nice to see a band that dare to experiment and not stay static. In POS’ case they’ve gone from boring to fucking hideously crappy. Now that’s bold progression for you! 1

Desert Eagle: I have a love/hate relationship with this band. That is to say, I love to hate this band. OOOOH, BURN! Shit, I bet no one has ever come up with that joke before. I’m copywriting it right now. You can’t use it unless you pay me like three dollars. Three dollars that will be used to purchase a large soda. Nice. 3

Syrrok: These guys are pretty old, and their keyboardist is a bit too Beethoven’ey. Not to be scolded on his skills – the dude truly takes to a keyboard like a duck takes to water, but I don’t believe it compliments. Rather it drowns out maybe what is the better aspect of this band. I could use a lot more strength in these tunes. 5

Fishermane: Hey Suicide-Bombers, try this next time. Tape 15 copies of this album to yourself then run towards a crowd of innocent people while screaming “Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, if I was an eagle, I’d fly, not run!” I doubt you’ll actually injure anybody, but I’m sure it’ll be pretty fucking funny to witness… 4